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E-NewsApril 2009 Volume 18 |
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Hi Everyone! What a month it’s been! Fun in San Francisco at the ACIM conference, sunshine and more sharing at the Edgar Cayce’s Association for Research and Enlightenment in Virginia Beach and a visit to the Grand Canyon. Here we are pictured with friends Jim and Cynthia Kresock from the A.R.E. (right) in front of the former hospital where Edgar Cayce preformed readings for his patients, with Ian Patrick of the UK Miracle Network in San Francisco (below left) and exploring Sedona and the Grand Canyon. |
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*See Below! The Real Upside of Hip Fractures by Susan Dugan and Sex, Intimacy, Ego and Self by Lilyand "What Do I Know" by Rikki Vieira |
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Silvana's Workshop Updates!Hi everyone, Please contact me if you’re interested in bringing Nouk and Tomas
to your city. You can reach me at |
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Discover the Secret to Indestructible Relationships Nouk and Tomas have survived the birth of their relationship in '84, the birth of their daughter in '88, the death of their marriage in '99 and the re-birth of Love thereafter! Come along and discover the secret to indestructible relationships in this all-day workshop. Contact: The Relaxation Centre, relaxcentreofqld@powerup.com.au PH: (07) 3856 3733 Kapelle-Op-Den-Bos, Belgium - 3 day workshop Omega Institute - Rhinebeck, N.Y. - 'Be the Love You Are' Somerset, Glastonbury - UK - 5 Day Workshop For more information on workshops in Holland, Belgium, Australia and the UKGo to our website www.takemetotruth.com/seminars.html |
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The Real Upside of Hip FracturesBy Susan Dugan |
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Did I mention I am just recovering from a hip fracture? There is a story; of course, in the ego's world there is always a story. Practicing A Course in Miracles we begin to understand that our story that looks so uniquely tragic or hopeful nonetheless springs from the same old story. In the original fiction we have bought the idea that we have run away from the source of our wholeness, at large in our bodies in a world the ego mind created to both reflect and protect us from God’s punishment for the crime of separation. In our effort to prove we have pulled off the impossible sin of individuality while avoiding retribution we project our repressed guilt on to other bodies or, sometimes, our own. This particular story began on New Years morning 2009 in the idyllic Victorian town of Crested Butte, Colorado, mid-way through a ski vacation with family and friends. I had skied for four days on a pair of sweet new K-2s and even though I had reverted to Eastern Standard Time to ring in the New Year the night before to accommodate my lark (over night owl) tendencies, I was tired. As my family and friends headed out to the mountain under a milky sky to a day that promised the kind of icy conditions and flat light I found especially challenging I begged off. I had been interacting with other people non-stop for five days. A self-declared introvert, I need chunks of time alone to replenish the energy spending long periods with others tends to deplete. That, too, is part of the story of Susan, a story I was about to illuminate in a new way with help from my inner teacher. Here's the bottom line. I believed I could only find my inner teacher, my connection with the divine, the voice for love, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, my right mind, whatever you want to call it, alone. This is particularly amusing given the fact that I had been studying A Course in Miracles for five years, reading the text, doing the workbook lessons designed to help us apply its principles in our lives, attending and teaching classes and still somehow managed to miss the entire point! Unlike many worthy spiritual paths that also lead to awakening but had not worked for me, this path urges us to heal the belief in autonomy at the root of our suffering through our relationships. We don’t do that by sitting on a mountaintop cross-legged with our eyes closed and our fingers pinched together. The silence we are asked to enter within has nothing to do with what appears without. We are asked to enter the silent part of our mind that remembers that the person sitting across the dinner table or chatting on the ski lift is actually the outlet provided to reestablish the divine connection we believe we severed. I heal my mind by seeing that the teenager glaring up at me as I set a glass of juice before her is not the problem, my belief in the original story of separation is the problem, but I can choose again with the help of the loving presence in my mind to remember that we are one. But that morning I apparently needed a little review. I bid my friends and family farewell and decided to go ice-skating; one of the solitary pursuits I believed had helped me connect with the divine in the past. Walking over to the public outdoor rink through the hushed streets I indulged a fantasy of Jesus walking beside me. But once I put on the ill-fitting rental skates, Jesus made a run for it. I had worn my lightweight ski socks and my bony ankles chafed against the cheap leather. Time and time again I came off the ice to re-lace the skates, stuffing tissues over the hot spots, then forging out once more to see if I could flag Jesus down. Some local tweens playing hockey with someone's glove nearly toppled me several times. Still, I persevered for almost an hour, striving to reestablish my connection. Distracted by the throbbing in my ankles and the annoyance of dodging ill-mannered children whose hung over parents sat in the bleachers cheering them on, the blurry sense of Jesus in my peripheral vision never materialized. Defeated, I returned the skates and headed down the icy, still largely deserted streets to the grocery store hoping to find some over-the-counter sinus medication to ease the pressure settling in under my eyes. I would go snow shoeing maybe; that always helped me connect. The local grocery store looked like it had been looted following a summer blackout in Manhattan, its shelves largely empty and ransacked, drifts of confetti swept into a corner of the linoleum floor. A boy with stringy hair and blood-shot eyes—a snow boarder, or shredder as we not so fondly called them--said he had no idea when fresh supplies might arrive over Monarch Pass. "Hey, we're lucky I showed up," he said. "It’s New Year’s, man." I hurried outside, and had gone maybe 200 yards when I wiped out, my legs thrown in one direction, the rest of me catapulted in the other. I landed hard on my hip, and bounced. I don’t know if I had ever felt so alone. In that instant of a pain so excruciating I could not pull air into my lungs a terror gripped me, almost immediately followed by outrage. I glanced over my shoulder, half expecting to find the person who had surely pushed me, the shredder, maybe, or one of his kind. I didn’t see anyone, of course. But I did feel the presence I had been seeking all morning, the presence of my inner teacher, the clear-eyed gentleness of Jesus. In that moment of complete surrender I could almost see him holding up his hands as if to say; it wasn’t me. As if to remind me who had chosen this, and to promise me he would help me see why if I would allow him. A stricken looking woman in an SUV stopped and rolled down her window. "Don’t move," she said. "I’ll be right there.” Several good Samaritans stood fretting over me. Did I need the EMT’s? No. If I could just get up, walk on it; I would be all right, I said. They helped me up, offered me a ride I refused. I sat for a while on a metal chair beside an old yellow dog that rested his muzzle on my knee. After a while I dragged myself several blocks back to Elk Avenue, taking baby steps on the slick sidewalks, through tunnels of plowed and shoveled snow, my mittened hands pressed against the glass of store fronts selling books and high-end pottery, jewelry, and kitchenware for balance, my favorite little prayer playing in my head: help me, help me, help me. Eight blocks later back at the rental I peeled off my ski pants, filled a plastic bag with ice, popped some ibuprofen, and grabbed the Course, asking my inner teacher to show me what I needed to know. I opened the book to Chapter 21, The Responsibility for Sight: This is the only thing you need do for vision, happiness, release from pain and complete escape from sin, all to be given you. Say only this, but mean it with no reservations, for here the power of salvation lies: I am responsible for what I see. Deceive yourself no longer that you are helpless in the face of what is done to you. Acknowledge but that you have been mistaken and all effects of your mistakes will disappear. As in the instant when my body hit the ground I saw that I had created this, that I had already been feeling unfairly treated, my peace somehow jeopardized by these others. The fall merely reflected a belief in my victimization. Although my ego mind raced forward wondering what would happen if I had really damaged this body, how I would make it to scheduled client meetings, get my daughter to all her activities, rewrite my novel, launch this blog; the presence of my inner teacher helped me accept responsibility for my mistaken projection. As I did, I understood that this was all in my best interests. However it played out, I would be OK. The truth in me had nothing to do with another story of Susan. The truth in me could not be threatened, broken, or destroyed. And as I picked up the phone to call my husband, a part of me had to smile because I had finally gotten the quality time with Jesus I craved. That connection has not gone away. In the weeks that followed, confined to crutches or a walker, my husband and daughter and friends stepped up to care for me in ways I never would have otherwise allowed and a funny thing happened. As my relationship with them became less identified with the rigid roles I had scripted for us and I allowed myself to receive their love in whatever ways they offered it, my connection with my inner teacher continued to strengthen. It did not go away when my husband entered my office and began talking to me while I was writing or on the phone. It did not go away when my daughter lay on the couch watching a reality TV program involving wealthy, potty-mouthed teenagers I sometimes longed to kidnap and reform. It did not go away when clients changed their mind about what they wanted from me several times an hour. It did not go away when I studied the crumbs and dust accumulating on the hardwood floors that I could not sweep up one-handed. It did not go away because it can’t go away. It can’t go away because it never left me. It never left me because I never left it. I learned from my hip fracture that I really don’t want to be alone ever again, even though I might sometimes need to close my office door to finish a project, or take a yoga class or meditate to clear my busy mind. I want to be in constant relationship with my inner teacher, the only real relationship available. When I forget it is there, I find it again by listening to the terrible loneliness of my belief in separation, the loneliness I begin to recognize and heal when I truly and with complete attention begin to listen to you. Footnote: Susan Dugan is a freelance writer and a student / teacher of A Course in Miracles. She is a student and apprentice of Lyn Corona who is the founder of the original Ark of Peace, a non-profit dedicated to providing education and tools for the practical application of forgiveness. Lyn began her study of A Course in Miracles in 1976 and has been a Course teacher for more than 20 years. Susan is also a teacher-in-training at the School of Reason for teachers and aspiring teachers of ACIM in Denver, Colorado, an organization committed to understanding, applying, and sharing Course wisdom in our everyday lives. Lyn and Susan founded the school along with another long-time Course teacher, Chris Dixon. They invite you to join them by taking the hand of the inner teacher we all share as we make our journey home. Please visit their blogs: http://LynCorona.Wordpress.com and http://SuDugan.Wordpress.com, and feel free to forgive any initial technological difficulties. |
Sex, Intimacy, Ego and SelfBy Lily I’ve had a major shift today after a few days of inner turmoil, doubt and conflict. I’ve been feeling particularly FULL of stories and judgments today distracting myself and the painful emotions that were coming up with chocolate, tea and potato chips. Even so I finally managed to squeeze out some 'inquiry' and REALLY take in the turnarounds. In doing so I’ve managed to reconnect with my deepest hearts desire to live a life of 'invulnerability and freedom.' In owning the turnarounds and seeing that what I saw in others was just a projection of my own beliefs, I’ve come to see more clearly my pattern of wanting to run away from the man I am with hoping to discover joy, sensuality and freedom elsewhere. It’s been too difficult for me to commit... to 'stop' in my relationship with my man because that would mean that I would have to fully face my fears and feelings of vulnerability. Its easy to meet someone else and to employ the same old masks/defenses for some time, they even seem to work but when you’re with someone for a long time those masks, the persona, the defense and safety mechanisms have to come down if you want to experience deep and fulfilling intimacy a joining that takes you through the dark of the ego and beyond. My partner and I have been together for 19 years with 3 proposals and no wedding. Not that marriage, in itself is important but my fear of and resistance to it is. I guess when its come time for me to truly commit using the symbol of marriage I’ve gone into airy fairy spiritual land, conceptualizing my way out of it and at times even denying that there has even been a proposal. Again, here I’ve been in this relationship with only 2 options, 1. to use it as a means of 'waking up' or to use it to 'hide in'. Everyday, I say I want to wake up above all else yet I’ve been running from the very thing that could facilitate that. I’ve been in no- mans land in a way, not committing to 'this or that'.... just waiting. I’ve been a dreamer and a fantasizer always secretly hoping for the next fix or high that comes with indulging in ego in matters of love, lust, sensuality and sexuality. As a result I had built up different personas that I confused with my Real Self, I’ve had spiritual personas that called my sexuality sinful and sexual ones that called spirituality 'repressive'. Yet both of these are just two sides of the same coin. On one hand the ego indulges in sexuality and on the other it represses it - Anything to avoid giving it no meaning at all and to flow and flower when necessary or be still and contemplate when that is what’s called for. All of this was happening mostly unconsciously of course and all done in an attempt to keep hidden my deep fear of connection and intimacy my deep feelings of vulnerability and guilt. All of the conflict, the turmoil of the past few days has had me again yet at a deeper level affirm that what I do want is to be completely OPEN, UNPROTECTED AND FREE and to stop using my man as an excuse not to be that now. I want the ego dissolved in the deep surrender that comes with revealing yourself fully to and in the presence of another especially with the one you perceive has or can hurt you. Am I willing to open to and breathe love in the midst of my fear? No one can do that for me and no one is to blame for my unwillingness to do it, the same unwillingness that has me blaming and criticizing the other and complaining of a life of mediocrity, lack and un-fulfilment. I am ready and NOW is the time. |
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What do I know?By Rikki Vieira I awoke realizing that in many relationships we choose exclusive specialness in partners/ friends/ people. In general we all ‘show case’ our assets in an attempt to disillusion one another from knowing that nothing “outside” can or will empower or sustain us. The masses have produced a mentality that dictates what is deemed valuable or valueless and it’s all @^#$&%*. At no point has our awareness been raised or alerted to anything that sits outside of this miniscule box we call life. Beyond this seems to be an unlimited playground of no wrongs. There can only be a wrong or a bad or a negative if there was a defined duality - a conclusion that ended with opposing outcomes. |
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If we investigated things thoroughly we’d find that fear was a just an idea, no more real than a mirage. Action, thought, response is all temporary, a miniscule snippet in the ocean of eternity. No more potent than oxygen, no more convincing than a clown mimicking a law official. And everyday I am tempted to develop more of my identity, to invent more things that will shape my perception! But I think the only action that would have any meaning, any reward, would be to do nothing, to dis-identify with everything, to allow material attachments to fall away, unlearn my learnings and trust not in my own teachings for I know that all of what I know is unknown. Ha ha ha! Craziness! It’s fun to mix things up to convince yourself that something is white when it appears black and in playing with extremes, unexpected flashes of insight or whatever pop into this game of ‘life’. Please feel free to pass on your feedback or share your insights with me at Rikki@takemetotruth.com |
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contribution to make. See you soon |