The Secret of Real Love

Have you ever wondered why so many loving relationships end up being unloving?

Looking at our culture’s obsession with the two most popular forms of love might shed some light on the subject.

These are 1: Physical or sexual love and 2: Emotional love. Both are temporary and subject to change, due to the unconscious desire to get our needs met through another. The third form of love being ‘Conscious love’ is real love, which due to its inclusiveness, is consistent and ever expanding. It eclipses our cultures usual experience of physical or emotional love and can be integrated into sexual and emotional relationships if we are committed to re-learning what love really is.

We search for love everywhere, through our children, our parents, friends and lovers, yet most of us feel as if we’re missing out; that the depth and consistency of the love we truly desire just doesn’t seem to eventuate. What we don’t know about real love, is that we can’t ‘get it’, ‘earn it’, ‘keep it’, ‘seek it’ or ‘lose it’. The only way to know conscious love is to give it. Love can’t increase in us and our lives unless we’re consistently extending it and we can’t consistently extend love until we discover the reason for our inability to love in the first place.

We’re so brainwashed into believing that love is something that we ‘get’ and that loving me means “You’ll do what I want”, that we expect that love equates to someone meeting our physical or emotional needs. That’s how we measure love - by how much or how little our needs are met by a certain individual. Love, in our culture has been romantically portrayed as being either sexual, emotional or both, but never as an act of conscious discipline. The closest we come to real and unconditional love (in our ego’s understanding) is expressed in charity however this is not real love either, as it presupposes that one is more needy that the other! If we have ever loved someone and suffered from that love appearing to disintegrate or turn to hate, then we have experienced the ego version of love. The ego’s unconscious catch-cries are: “seek love but never find” and “give to get.” Unless we wake up and consciously take charge, ALL our relationships will play out in the same way!

The ego is a mass of uninvestigated beliefs whose survival depends upon our unconscious guilt. Most of us are not yet aware of this ego much less the accompanying guilt because we mistakenly think that we are it. We were raised to believe this and all our cultural institutions confirm it. In this ego world, our bodies are testament to the belief that we are all separate and all our experiences random.

To help you get in touch with your True Self, simply stop and observe your thoughts. Note the level of frenetic activity and the random nature of the thoughts. Be conscious of watching your mind thinking these thoughts. Now, if you’re watching your mind thinking those thoughts, then ‘who’ is the you that’s doing the watching? This is the divine observer, the Unified Self. This is the True Self we need to come to know and who is ultimately revealed through the process of ego-release.

The Unified Self is the part of us that never left the Source [God]. Our entire existence over lifetimes is simply to discover our Unified Self and the Purpose we were born to fulfill. So, how do we begin to align ourselves with Conscious love? To experience this we must firstly gain awareness of ‘who’ is living this life and confronting it! The only way that we can know Conscious love is to embark on the journey of self-discovery by unlearning all the dysfunctional beliefs that make up the separated self.

Through a process of radical self-inquiry, we learn to consistently ask ‘who’ is providing the critique and advice on every action we take. Self-inquiry involves practicing presence and observing our thoughts, emotions and actions. It is about brutal honesty surrounding all our intentions and subsequent actions. You will be dismayed to learn that most of your current thoughts and actions are ego based. Beneath even the most generous gift may lay an unmet demand and fear. When you become courageous enough to confront this in your life, you will begin to develop the inner strength that will allow you to release your ego’s grip on your life. Just like peeling layers of an onion, first we learn to forgive, only to learn that it is our self we are forgiving. The more we seek forgiveness and extend it, the more of our Self we reclaim.

Conscious love heals us through the practice of being loving even when we don’t feel loving. Whatever we give, we receive and this increases our ability to embrace what we’ve always longed for…LOVE, not the changing type but the unshakeable, irreversible version of love.

By Nouk Sanchez and Tomas Vieira, authors of the soon to be released book,‘Take Me to Truth’.

Contact Nouk and Tom at: info@takemetotruth.com